Me and Mary Jane A pot newbie's clumsy foray into the world of medical marijuana
  • Muwaaaahhhhhh!

    August 13th, 2012Mary JaneMedical Marijuana Dispensary

    Buzzzzzz! I rang the doorbell next to the little window on the back wall. A few moments later a young woman appeared at the window. She was probably around nineteen, smiling, neatly styled, and wearing a cute polo shirt with the store’s logo. At last, this is the kind of person I can relate to.

    I showed her my medical marijuana card and she pushed a clipboard with a form through the window. Just like a doctor’s office! I felt more official already. She took my form and card and disappeared into the back room to check out my legitimacy. Pretty soon, the door to my right opened and she beckoned me in.

    Wow, this was not what I was expecting. I walked into a pristine room with a beautiful counter and glass display case. There was another woman in a matching polo shirt uniform behind the counter. She looked to be in her late forties and was trim and attractive. My young chaperon introduced the woman as her mother.

    After hearing a little bit about my tale of woe, they told me how they got started in the pot business. “I have problems with anxiety,” the younger woman told me. “I get panic attacks like crazy and they totally mess me up in school. I’ve tried different medications, but the only thing that really helps is marijuana.” As she’s telling me this, her mom is looking lovingly at her and nodding.

    “And you were okay with this?” I asked her mother. “Absolutely,” she said. “I was concerned about her and when she told me that marijuana helped with her anxiety, I did a bunch of research into it. I read lots of stories of people like her and how much it helped. I didn’t want her to have to do it illegally, though. So once it became legal here in California, we got her a card and eventually decided to go into business together.”

    “That’s great!” I said. “How cool that you get to work together. And I really love this place. The last one I went to kind of freaked me out. It feels so professional here.”

    “Yes, we wanted to do it right,” explained the mother. “We are female-owned and all of our employees are women. We take it very seriously and only get our products from the best sources. You’ll see what high-quality plants we have here.”

    Okay, let’s back up a little. At this point, my thoughts were split in two. On the one hand, I was feeling great about the store and so happy that I found these people that I felt so comfortable with. It was exactly what I was looking for.

    But the other half of me had my B.S. detector blinking in full alert. This chick has got her mother wrapped around her little finger! Not only does she get the parental green light to smoke pot, her mom bought her an entire pot store! Panic attacks? Surrrrrrrrre. I know a upper-middle-class teen party girl when I see one. Man, this girl must be a hero to all her friends.  I can already picture the legally-supplied parties she’s throwing when her mom’s out of town. And I had to wonder if she had a side business going on the sly from her dorm room. I’m beginning to think I’m in the presence of slightly-evil genius.

    I think she might be my hero, too.

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